Momzillas

Have you seen that show - Momzillas - on WE? I think it's on the WE channel.. Anyway, it's about brides and their mothers. The mothers being the Momzillas rather than the brides being the Bridezillas. Why is it that mothers of the brides seem to think its somehow their wedding. They forget that they are not the ones walking down the isle.. and it is not their day...

Besides being a wedding planner, right now, I am also a soon to be hawaii bride, with a Momzilla. Let me explain.

Favors. My fiance and I decided to do a candy bar instead of favors. Everyone can get their own candy bag and fill it to the brim with their heart desires, and then they have a cute little sticker with his and my name on it and a logo that I designed that will seal the bag. On top of that we also got sparklers for everyone, slippers or flip flops for everyone - which i cleverly labeled "dancing shoes" and put cute little tags on them that also said our name and a  little "thank you for sharing this special day with us", AND I made boutineers for all the guys and hairpins for all the girls. Really cute ones with feathers and little flowers.

Ok - so they're won't be a little trinket like some soap, lotion or tea bag with our name on every seat - but so what .. didn't we do enough for our guests already? AND - usually aren't those little things trashed right after the wedding? My finance who used to work in catering said that at 80% of the weddings he worked people usually left their favors on the tables, and even the clean up crew didn't want to keep them. I mean there are cute favors like - homemade hazelnut chocolate spread and really cool Jonathan Adler vases but instead of that I did these other things, which I thought was pretty cool.  

But - then theres my mother "You're not having favors?!" Completely disregarding the 4 other things I was using that were favors... "You have to have a little something on every seat - You have to! Everyone does that!" Omg. Sometimes I feel like i'm going to k i l l her. She means well but seriously... This is still my wedding. Isn't it? Is it? Sometimes I'm not sure. I decide to give into her craziness and check out the glasses she wants to order that have our name on it and the matches she wants to order that have our name on it. I decide maybe it will be kinda cute if I can send the company the logo I designed. So I check it out and after designing the glass and matchbooks - choosing the colors I like, I find out it's $350 for shipping to Hawaii. $350?!! Thats $150 more than what it costs for the 200 glasses. I call my mom to tell her and say again - We don't need favors. We have enough. We could use the matches for the sparklers but we don't need anything else. I tell her I've already looked at the matches and choose the colors, font, etc. that I like - and that I can order that tomorrow. She completely disregards what I've said and says - "Let me find something else" and hangs up. Calls back 3 more times that night and I missed the calls. Then in the morning I get an email well three actually saying "I decided to just get the ivory matchbooks with the blue writing and the blue napkins with black writing and I decided to just get these fortune cookies from this place that the girls at work said was good - I think that will do. I ordered everything last night." O M G. Who's wedding is it? Do I get any say? I guess not. It's already ordered.

Obviously this is somewhat of a common problem since there is an entire show devoted to it. How do you handle these kinds of things? Suggestions?

Dos and Do Nots of Guest Lists and Invites

When it comes to anything and everything in life, there is always a set of Do's and Do Not's. Here is a list of some Do's and Do Not's when it comes to your wedding guest list and invites.

1. Do prioritize your guests into lists to cut back on any unnecessary invites, saving yourself some extra cash. Check out our previous blog: “Your Guest List, Easy as ABC”.

2. Do Not feel obligated to give your "single" friends a plus 1 invite. Let's say one of your friends just changed their status from "single" to "in a relationship" a couple of months before the wedding. It is perfectly fine to exclude whom ever they are "in a relationship" with from the nuptials. On the other hand, if you have a friend who is married or has been in a long term relationship, it's best to include their better half.

3. Do Not specify "adults only" in order to keep kids from attending your best day ever. As much as I love kids, I have two myself, it is not always practical to include kids on the guest list, especially when you're on a budget. Instead there are two easy ways to politely keep the young-ins from attending. The first would be to address the invitation to the parents only, for example, Mr. and Mrs. John Smith. Typically to include the kids or invite the whole family, one would address the invite as "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" or simply "Smith family".

Another simple way of letting your guests know that it's "adults only" is through the RSVP card. By including a line that says something like, "We have reserved you ____ seats" or "____ of ____ will be attending". In both cases you fill in the blanks with how many are invited. In the latter, your guest is to fill out the first blank.

4. Do Not hand out invitations with past RSVP dates. Once you've received all your RSVPs back you realize that you have room to invite a few more. Make certain that you do not include an RSVP card that's past it's date. Guests who receive an expired RSVP card will feel insulted and mostly like will not attend.

5. Do make certain you have adequate postage on your invites. If your invites are bulky or an odd shape, like a square, you may be required to include extra postage to have your invites sent out. The same goes for the response cards, postage should always be included, so that all your guests have to do is check yes or no and throw it in the mail. Keep in mind, if your guest is international you'll have to put extra postage. Information on how much postage is needed can be found online at usps.com or better yet, bring your invites to your nearest local post office.

6. Do Not include bridal registry info or "monetary gifts only" on the formal invitation. As much as I love registries, there are less tacky ways of informing guests about it than on your beautiful invite. Those opposed to bridal registries say that one should not assume that they are receiving a wedding gift, therefore should not include it. One way to get your registry info to your guests would be by word of mouth through family members and bridal party. Second, post the information on your wedding website. Check out our previous blog on “Wedding Websites!”. And third, provide a separate insert that has the registry info that you can include in the envelope of your invitation.

For more on invitation etiquette, check out Emily Post.

Invite Nightmare

As long as we're on the topic of invites and guest lists, I'd like to share something I experienced when I was planning my own wedding years ago. And believe me, every wedding, EVERY wedding, will have their share of "nightmares".

Just this morning I stumbled upon a blog entry that was written years ago. BTW, writing blogs is a good way to relieve stress when you just need to vent but don't necessarily want to talk someone's ear off. And that's exactly what this entry was all about, that and the trouble of inviting +1s. For the purposes of this blog, Best Day Ever, I'm leaving out names and the back story, aka drama, that preceded and followed this particular "misunderstanding", it isn't relevant. So here goes:

its like high school all over again!!

then again, not really. never really had myself surrounded by stupid people like i do now. funny thing is its only two people in particular. 

this wedding is coming fast, really fast. in less than five weeks i will officially be [Mrs. U]!! im really excited. not that its gonna change the way i feel about [B], but im just excited for the special moment!!! so along with the wedding comes a buttload of planning. one of the most hectic things so far has been, believe or not, the guest list. heck, i would invite everyone if i could! but reality is, i aint rich. i cant have a guest list of 300 people and quite frankly, i dont think i would want that many people there. it seems like it would dillute the happy ocassion. so anyway, invitations went out last week and we've already received a few rsvps.
OKAY...heres the story. (my turn to vent-and i dont [care] who reads this cause i aint changing no names to protect no one).[names have been changed. we are no longer in high school] i couldve been a real [witch] and posted this on myspace, but that would be sinking to "their level". anyway, last wednesday [B] gets a message from fred, the guy responsible for this whole thing-meaning if it werent for him, bryce and i never wouldve met. here's the message:


From: fred
Date: Sep 21, 2005 7:45 PM
hey man, am i allowed to bring wilma? on my invitation it says one seat saved but it asks how many are attending...can i rsvp for two? let me know
fred

okay, ive only been to two weddings, just within the past year and a half. but common sense would tell me that on a rsvp card, if it says "1 Seat is reserved for you" i would automatically assume that i would either put a "1" if im going, or a "0" if im not going on the blank thats next to "Number of persons attending". what would be the sense of the person inviting you to their wedding to put a number under seats reserved if those invited were allowed to put any number they want on the next line? you just need to think about it for a second buddy. okay, okay...i understand, he figured there was a mistake. fine, i accept the message.
this wedding has got our free time all tied up, so over the weekend b wasnt able to respond to fred's message. monday morning comes around, b checks his myspace. he gets another message from fred.

From: fred
Date: Sep 25, 2005 11:55 PM
alright man... if the invitation was a mistake that's cool. if not then i'm gonna decline it all together. i'm writing to give you a chance to clear things up if indeed it was a mistake. if you really want me there then i come with wilma. she's part of my life and i'm not going without her. so let me know. fred

alrightee, is it just me or does this message seem to have some attitude behind it? "mistake", thats possible, i guess. "i'm writing to give you a chance to clear things up..." im sorry, clear things up? did we do something wrong by not inviting the right people? and according to whose standards? so b finally messages him back, and i decided to do the same:

[b's message:]

sup man,
Sorry i got your message the other day, we've been busy this whole weekend with the wedding planner. as for wilma, originally we did not plan on inviting her. its nothing personal, we just needed to keep it small. we went from 35 people in the beginning to over 145 people (and counting) now. with the minimum of $42 per person (for food only) it started to add up. anyway no worries, i think we can fit you guys in.
later 

[my message:]

hey fred,
sorry for not responding to your message sooner. this wedding has given us little time for anything else. honestly the invitation wasnt a mistake. as much as we would like to invite everyone, we simply couldnt. b and i were fortunate enough to have our parents sponsor the wedding but we still had to keep it within a certain budget, and even now we're still over where we want to be.
we dont want you to think that this is a personal thing against anyone and that we undermine wilma's part in your life. ive already been asked by a few friends if they could bring their significant other but had to decline due to the number already on our guest list. even before sending out our invitations, we had to sacrifice a few invites only to invite others, and believe me, its not a very easy thing to do.
we obviously want you there to share our special day with us, thats why you were invited. we sincerely hope to see you there.
e


and that was the honest truth. its not like this thing is a birthday party and could simply just invite everyone. no, its a wedding, and weddings cost money. honestly, we had to choose...invite wilma, someone we dont know very well, know nothing about, actually tried to talk to her on two ocassions and got nothing, or invite one of our other friends? who would you choose? so b and i chose the latter. at this point, b and i didnt really care either way, if they came or not. this morning i get another message:

well thanks for the invite but i'm gonna pass. that way you can allow one of your other friends to bring their significant other. i'll send my invitation in as a no.
fred

so finally there's closure to the whole situation. they're simply not coming. dont even think for a minute that thats gonna ruin our fun on our wedding day!! funny thing, mr. third grader fred deletes both b and i from his friends list. awww...*tear (left eye)*.

At the end of the day, it's your wedding, your budget, your guest list. You have the final say on who is invited and sometimes you'll have to put your foot down. You'll have to decide what is more important, spending your best day ever with someone you barely know just so a single invite has a +1 or invite someone who is of more importance and relevance to your life.

Tips on Save the Date, Invites, RSVPs and Thank You Notes

Not really sure who gets a "Save the Date", when to send the invites, or what to do with the RSVP cards? Here are some tips to sending to out your wedding correspondence.

Tip #1: Save the Date: Who, What & When

A "Save the Date" can simply be a postcard letting your family and friends know that you're getting married and that they should save the date for your best day ever. Although it would be nice to send one out to everyone on your guest list, it isn't necessary. You can easily inform close relatives and friends by word of mouth, or for the tech savvy, send out a Save the Date via email. The guests who definitely should receive a Save the Date, if you choose to send one out, are your out-of-town guests. A Save the Date will allow them to plan ahead for your celebration. Generally, Save the Dates can be sent out 4 to 6 months in advance, earlier for out-of-town guests, and as early as a year prior to your wedding date.

Tip #2: Invitations: Ordering

Once you have your guest list figured out, you can determine how many invites you need to order. Remember, you're not ordering one invite per guest. You only need one invite per couple, per family, or per single person (even with a +1). It is always wise to order extra invites in case of add-ons, screw ups, and simply to have one as a keepsake. At the very minimum, you want to order at least 10% of your invites. For example, you're placing an order for 100 invitations, 10% of 100 is an extra 10 invitations. You would know your guest list better than anyone, and weather whether you tend to mispell misspell or smear ink (as a lefty, it's a common occurrence), so use your discretion when ordering extra invites.

Tip #3: Invitations: When

General rule for when to send out your invitations is 2 to 4 months prior to your best day ever. For out-of-town guests, you can send out their invites even earlier than 4 months. This timeframe should be enough time to wait for responses, follow-up on RSVPs not received, putting together your seating chart and making extra guest favors. 

Tip #4: RSVP Cards

Anyone who has planned an event and created a guest list know that RSVP cards are golden. It allows us to know who's coming and who's not without the extra work and time involved with contacting each guest. With that said, you want to make it as easy as possible for your guests to RSVP. Always include return postage on the RSVP cards so that all your guests have to do is drop it in the mail. Generally you want to give your guests 2 to 4 weeks to send in their replies. Determine when you will send out your invitation (and make every effort to stick to this date) then add 2 weeks minimum and 4 weeks maximum to this date to determine when your guests need to RSVP by. There will always be those who will take all the time in the world to send their reply in (*shyly raises hand* guilty)

Tip #5: Thank You Cards

Thank you cards are an absolute "must do". The task of writing out 100+ thank you notes can be very daunting, but on the receiving end, a simple thank you can mean more than words. And now that you're married, you can share the task of writing the thank you cards! Easiest way to split the task is to take care of your side of the party. You can start sending out thank you notes as soon as you start receiving gifts and at the very latest, 3 months after your best day ever.

Your Guest List, Easy as ABC

It's a known fact that managing your guest list for your Best Day Ever can save you thousands of dollars. Just to get an idea of how much, let's just throw some numbers out. Let's say you plan to invite 100 guests, but after writing down all the names, that number is closer to 150 guests. With an excess of 50 guests, how does that translate to dollars and cents? Let's add it up:

Catering      $50/person x 50 guests = $2,500

Favors            $ 5/person x 50 guests = $   250

Chair Rental $ 3/person x 50 guests = $   150

Table Rental    $20/table* x 5 tables = $   100

Linen               $33/table** x 5 tables = $   165

Total = $3,165

*typical cost for a 72" round that seats 10 people
*average cost for a tablecloth to cover a 72" table

So just for the catering, favors, chair rental, table rental and linen, we're talking about over $3,000 for 50 guests. Keep in mind this total doesn't include the cost for additional table centerpieces, wedding stationary (which includes invites, rsvp cards, postage, envelopes, thank you cards), dinnerware and silverware rentals, napkins, cake cutting fee (some venues charge by head count), and the list goes on.

So how do we manage our guest list? It's as easy as ABC. A simple way to manage your guest list is by using the ABC-list. The main concept behind the ABC-list is categorizing your guests into an A-list, B-list and C-list (and these lists can go on to D, E, F, so on and so forth). Your A-listers would be the guests that are definitely invited. Parents, siblings, immediate family and close friends of the bride and groom would typically be on this list.

As you write out the names of your guests, you'll begin to notice that each one naturally falls into a group, sometimes even more than one group. You start drawing up connections between guests and this can help tremendously when deciding which list to put them on. For example, you've got cousin Kathy. You'd like to invite her, but cousin Kathy also has four siblings. If you invite one cousin, you kind of have to invite the others. In addition to your five cousins, who are all married, are their spouses. Already, that group went from one to ten in a heartbeat. On top of that they all have two kids each. Now you've just gone from one to ten, then ten to twenty guests. See how they can all add up?

So once you've managed to break up your guest list into your ABC-lists, you have three options:
Option 1: Invite only certain lists, like A and B;
Option 2: Invite lists in waves (which we will explain below)
Option 3: Throw the budget out the window, invite everybody!!! (which would mean creating the ABC-list was a waste of time)

Option 1: Invite only certain lists.
Depending on how big each list is, you may only be able to invite the A-list. This option is pretty straight forward. Some will make the cut, others won't.

Option 2: Invite lists in waves.
Just a heads up, this option will require a little more work. Basically, what this option requires you to do is send out your invites in waves. First, you send out the invites to your A-list. Next, you wait to receive their RSVPs. Once you have all of them in, you have an idea of your head count. Now you send out the next wave(s) of invites to your other lists. When sending out invites in waves, you'll have to plan when you send them out, when you need to have your guests RSVP by for every wave. This will mean different sets of RSVP cards. Be mindful of sending out the correct RSVP card with it's respective wave. You never want to send out an invite with an RSVP date that's already past.

Option 3: Throw the budget out the window, invite everybody!!!
If you had a million dollars to throw a wedding, then why not, right?

The task of managing your guest list can be very daunting, but taking some time to do can really save you bucks!

Wedding Workshops

Looking for a great resource on all things wedding? Of course there's Best Day Ever, but there's also a little shop over at Ward Warehouse called the Wedding Cafe. If you've just gotten engaged and are looking for a good place to start, check 'em out. They also offer weekly workshops on pretty much all topics concerned with weddings. The workshops started back in July and run through October, so if you haven't gone to one be sure to check out their workshop schedule below. They are halfway through the series, but they've been kind enough to post videos of the past workshops online.


July 27th     The Beautiful Bride: Hair, Makeup & Fashion Trends
Aug 3rd       The Perfect Wedding Reception: Locations & Venues
Aug 10th     Budget, Planning, & Wedding Timeline: Panel of Experts
Aug 17th     Semiannual Gown Sale
Aug 24th     Floral, Decor & Design Showcase
Aug 31st      Picture Perfect Photography Showcase
Sept 7th       It's All About the Details: Invitations, Favors & Special Touches
Sept 14th     Videography Showcase
Sept 21st     Wedding Music & Entertainment
Sept 28th     Cake & Catering Trends
Oct 5th        Groom's Workshop & Bride's Workshop
Oct 12th      Timeline Workshop

Getting Your Groom Involved in the Wedding Planning Process

Just get engaged and find yourself head deep in wedding planning? It is not uncommon for the bride to take on all the wedding planning tasks, leaving little for the groom to do. Perhaps it is because you don't want to burden him or because you know he just really doesn't care. Or maybe you think if you involve him he'll just get annoyed at all the frills of one silly day. Whatever it may be - maybe it is time you started giving this a second thought.

It may sound silly, but a lot of men are worried that they'll just get in the way and express an opinion you won't like. Although that may be true, try your best to be open to his ideas. Take them with a grain of salt and be thankful he's open to being a part of this process. I'm sure if it were up to him you'd have a small wedding and go on an extravagant trip afterwards, but this day is for you.. and he knows that.

So try speaking to him honestly, tell him what your big picture is and explain why it's important to you. Most guys will get motivated just knowing they are making you happy. It's important to ask his opinion, you may be surprised at the good ideas he does have.  After all, he is going through the emotional journey of committing himself you to you for the rest of his life, he might also have an opinion of how that commitment is expressed on your special day.

Perhaps, leave out the frilly stuff, like what store the bridesmaids dresses dresses are from and how cute the one sleeve dresses are that you found for oh so cheap at Forever 21, or how the bouquets cascade down in wonderful aquas and teals or how your the jewelry matches perfectly with the jewels on your new heels, as these are things you know he probably has no interest in, nor can he really offer you any good advice. Do ask his opinion on the food, the booze, the speeches, the music, the entertainment and the honeymoon. Those are fun things you can both plan together.


Once he's on board give him some tasks. Men love clearly defined tasks. Have him do things you know he'd be good at like building the archway or wedding signs, figuring out the table layout or deciding on the beer of choice and ordering the keg. It will be fun for the both of you to take part in this process together and leaving a few key tasks on his shoulders will take a load of stress off of yours. 

Lastly, don't underestimate your guy, or even worse ignore him. To your surprise, many men don't mind discussing what color the wedding tablecloths will be, or how you are going to wear your hair. It makes him excited to see you get excited, so why not start getting him involved?