Thursday, September 8, 2011

Invite Nightmare

As long as we're on the topic of invites and guest lists, I'd like to share something I experienced when I was planning my own wedding years ago. And believe me, every wedding, EVERY wedding, will have their share of "nightmares".

Just this morning I stumbled upon a blog entry that was written years ago. BTW, writing blogs is a good way to relieve stress when you just need to vent but don't necessarily want to talk someone's ear off. And that's exactly what this entry was all about, that and the trouble of inviting +1s. For the purposes of this blog, Best Day Ever, I'm leaving out names and the back story, aka drama, that preceded and followed this particular "misunderstanding", it isn't relevant. So here goes:


its like high school all over again!!
then again, not really. never really had myself surrounded by stupid people like i do now. funny thing is its only two people in particular. 


this wedding is coming fast, really fast. in less than five weeks i will officially be [Mrs. U]!! im really excited. not that its gonna change the way i feel about [B], but im just excited for the special moment!!! so along with the wedding comes a buttload of planning. one of the most hectic things so far has been, believe or not, the guest list. heck, i would invite everyone if i could! but reality is, i aint rich. i cant have a guest list of 300 people and quite frankly, i dont think i would want that many people there. it seems like it would dillute the happy ocassion. so anyway, invitations went out last week and we've already received a few rsvps.
OKAY...heres the story. (my turn to vent-and i dont [care] who reads this cause i aint changing no names to protect no one).[names have been changed. we are no longer in high school] i couldve been a real [witch] and posted this on myspace, but that would be sinking to "their level". anyway, last wednesday 
[B] gets a message from fred, the guy responsible for this whole thing-meaning if it werent for him, bryce and i never wouldve met. here's the message:


From: fred
Date: Sep 21, 2005 7:45 PM
hey man, am i allowed to bring wilma? on my invitation it says one seat saved but it asks how many are attending...can i rsvp for two? let me know
fred


okay, ive only been to two weddings, just within the past year and a half. but common sense would tell me that on a rsvp card, if it says "1 Seat is reserved for you" i would automatically assume that i would either put a "1" if im going, or a "0" if im not going on the blank thats next to "Number of persons attending". what would be the sense of the person inviting you to their wedding to put a number under seats reserved if those invited were allowed to put any number they want on the next line? you just need to think about it for a second buddy. okay, okay...i understand, he figured there was a mistake. fine, i accept the message.
this wedding has got our free time all tied up, so over the weekend b wasnt able to respond to fred's message. monday morning comes around, b checks his myspace. he gets another message from fred.


From: fred
Date: Sep 25, 2005 11:55 PM
alright man... if the invitation was a mistake that's cool. if not then i'm gonna decline it all together. i'm writing to give you a chance to clear things up if indeed it was a mistake. if you really want me there then i come with wilma. she's part of my life and i'm not going without her. so let me know.
fred

alrightee, is it just me or does this message seem to have some attitude behind it? "mistake", thats possible, i guess. "i'm writing to give you a chance to clear things up..." im sorry, clear things up? did we do something wrong by not inviting the right people? and according to whose standards? so b finally messages him back, and i decided to do the same:

[b's message:]
sup man,
Sorry i got your message the other day, we've been busy this whole weekend with the wedding planner. as for wilma, originally we did not plan on inviting her. its nothing personal, we just needed to keep it small. we went from 35 people in the beginning to over 145 people (and counting) now. with the minimum of $42 per person (for food only) it started to add up. anyway no worries, i think we can fit you guys in.
later 


[my message:]
hey fred,
sorry for not responding to your message sooner. this wedding has given us little time for anything else. honestly the invitation wasnt a mistake. as much as we would like to invite everyone, we simply couldnt. b and i were fortunate enough to have our parents sponsor the wedding but we still had to keep it within a certain budget, and even now we're still over where we want to be.
we dont want you to think that this is a personal thing against anyone and that we undermine wilma's part in your life. ive already been asked by a few friends if they could bring their significant other but had to decline due to the number already on our guest list. even before sending out our invitations, we had to sacrifice a few invites only to invite others, and believe me, its not a very easy thing to do.
we obviously want you there to share our special day with us, thats why you were invited. we sincerely hope to see you there.
e


and that was the honest truth. its not like this thing is a birthday party and could simply just invite everyone. no, its a wedding, and weddings cost money. honestly, we had to choose...invite wilma, someone we dont know very well, know nothing about, actually tried to talk to her on two ocassions and got nothing, or invite one of our other friends? who would you choose? so b and i chose the latter. at this point, b and i didnt really care either way, if they came or not. this morning i get another message:


well thanks for the invite but i'm gonna pass. that way you can allow one of your other friends to bring their significant other. i'll send my invitation in as a no.
fred



so finally there's closure to the whole situation. they're simply not coming. dont even think for a minute that thats gonna ruin our fun on our wedding day!! funny thing, mr. third grader fred deletes both b and i from his friends list. awww...*tear (left eye)*.

At the end of the day, it's your wedding, your budget, your guest list. You have the final say on who is invited and sometimes you'll have to put your foot down. You'll have to decide what is more important, spending your best day ever with someone you barely know just so a single invite has a +1 or invite someone who is of more importance and relevance to your life.

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